


I Wonder

by FairyNiamh



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Insanity, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, POV First Person, Ponderings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: Thoughts on the Great A'Tuin and if (s)he has 'needs'.





	I Wonder

**Author's Note:**

> Know what you get when you are sleep deprived, have a headache, nasal congestion, and pain? No? Might want to skip this insanity then.

Have you ever pondered the sex of the Great A'Tuin? Of course, you have. You have probably read the 'scientific evidence' pointing to either the Great A'Tuin being a male or female. A few even suggest that as great and powerful as (s)he is, perhaps (s)he was both sexes. Others have said bugger it, leave it be, it's all just abstract. Probably not the wisest of choices. Scientist do not like being told to leave things be.

That has nothing to do with this paper, just a little pre-food for thought. I am going to commit blasphemy and ask the question I have never heard thought on. Does the Great A'Tuin have sexual urges? After all, unless you are an ameba you likely have urges. (Though, maybe ameba have sexual urges and they take care of it by splitting.)

Now then, if the Great A'Tuin does have urges; does (s)he have sex or does (s)he masturbate? There have been theories, papers, and even doc-you-mentalies made on theories of the Great A'Tuin mating habits.

Nothing on masturbation. We have observed small turtles doing self-pleasure. Rubbing against smooth rocks, drift wood, you get the picture. The small turtles literally rub one off. Does the Great A'Tuin use the moons or passing debris to rub one off?

Huh, now that I have put quill to paper and written down my rambling random ponders, I fear for my life. I am not a scientist. I've not been to the schools or joined the guild. I am merely a baker. Forget I have written this down. Oh, would you like to know a nice glaze for your bread? No, I see, you are part of the assassins' guild. 

Don’t worry, I won’t post my ramblings. No one listens to the crazy baker, except to when it comes to baking. Could I interest you in a nice flat bread dish I baked? It has cheese on the top. I am calling it Pitsa. I see, thank you for dropping by and not killing me!

Note to self: burn parchment and pray that the scientists' guild pick up my pondering and claim it as their own. I will honor then by baking a round shalat loaf once they do. In celebration... of course.

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I made some shit up in here. You were warned.


End file.
